If anyone has inside information on the current staus of the Ala-non and ACA relationship, feel free to post a comment.
The “Characteristics,” which are occasionally confused with the Laundry List, were written by author Janet Woititz, in 1983.
He had special insight into what made adult children of alcoholic’s needs different, and did a remarkable job of articulating ACo A issues. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism d. We confuse love with pity and tend to “love” people who we can `pity” and “rescue”. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial). We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of the disease even though we did not pick up the drink. We had come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures.
Or, maybe he was just a regular guy–but one who was willing to speak up. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process.
No flaming, personal attacks or abuse against others. Notice the word "gentleman." When a t-girl feels that she is being treated with the dignity and respect befitting a lady she is in heaven.
Femininity is a tremendous satisfaction for t-girls and most love the attention from a gentleman admirer.
We learned to keep our feelings down as children and keep them buried as adults.
Two key differences between the lists exists: Tony A’s is an “us” list, while Janet’s is a “them” list. But, where is the list that expresses the positive, the growth-oriented side of this dark side of the moon?
Others are bisexual (your chances are improving here). A dialog should be able to resolve any remaining questions you might have.
Some t-girls are looking for men, others are looking for women. Some live full-time as females, others live part-time as females. Remember that you're looking for someone who will compliment what you're looking for and your job is to narrow the field to those who are looking for someone just like you!
Indeed, many well-intentioned admirers have struck out simply because of a misguided attempt to be friendly.
Here is a good rule to follow; Don't refer to anyone as a shemale, transsexual, transvestite, etc.